A Good Old Fashioned Cry
The Peridot’s Wellness Measure this week is a good old fashioned cry. In the words of College Park’s very own, Monica, “It’s just one of them days.” It’s been one of them weeks...months...and year. “Truth is, I’m tired,” word to Tamala. I have never been one to hold in my emotions. I have to express my feelings, or else I will erupt. I have a temper and a smart mouth. I like these things about myself, but I must exercise restraint and maintain my composure, keep my temperament level.
Recently, I had an interaction with someone who attempted to manipulate me by gaslighting me. They subtly threatened me in a calm even tone. I noticed the attack, and my innate response is to flash my fangs, so I raised my voice when expressing my point. That is one of my tells. I have to control it. My enemy can use this against me. Their response, was not a rebuttal to the valid point I was making, it was a comment about the volume of my voice. “Don’t yell at me. I’m not yelling at you,” they said. That was a blatant attempt to control me and my tone. I loath passive aggressiveness, and I peep game. So I shutdown. I held my tongue and my mule. See, I’m aggressive aggressive. I am confrontational. I do not think these characteristics are necessarily bad things, despite the negative connotation that is often implied when people use these words as a description. I’m practiced in critically examining a situation, processing my feelings, and expressing my point of view. Because of this practice, I have grown to be more resilient, and I have acquired the ability to move on from situations without holding grudges. I do not have the time or energy for those fruitless affairs.
I am still a work in progress, however, so when I have to hold my tongue, because I can’t jeopardize my lively hood, and actually cuss out my “supervisor,” that energy has to come out some other way. So, I cry. I am a crier. I hate that it is considered to be a sign of weakness, because it actually takes great restraint. My crying is merely my intuitive internal cooling system extinguishing the flaring fires in my mind.
I’m learning and actively practicing how to S.T.F.U., but I still have to release. Crying does the trick for me. It’s cathartic. I cry when I’m frustrated, when I’m feeling in the depths of despair, when I’m feeling joyful, when I find something to be hilarious, when something is beautiful.
Crying is healthy. Crying provides clarity. Crying is relieving, rejuvenating, even relaxing. Crying is, also, free. So the next time the feeling moves you, don’t hold back those tears, let it out.
In honor of boo-hooing, listen to The Temptations’ I Wish It Would Rain, and enjoy this audio clip from Robert Townsend’s The Five Heartbeats when Eddie Kane Jr. expressed how on nights, such as these, he wishes it would rain.
